Leveling-up in Phoenix

Every time I think my marriage is near perfect and couldn't get any better we go and level up! I'm not kidding, I have no idea how we do it or what happens in between, it just sort of happens.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's not magic. It's all that little stuff we do every single day and then one day you see a huge burst and poof, you've made it to that next level. That happened this weekend!

See I wrote this book.. I spent money editing and getting a hot cover. I worked so hard at this and then I decided (over a year ago) that I wanted to get in front of a bunch of women. I started researching and the Ultimate Women's Expo kept popping up so this year I applied to be a vendor, paid an extremely hefty fee, then on top of it bought 300 books, plane tickets, and a new dress. I got cards and fliers made. I bought confetti and candy for the table.

We had one weekend, one (1), between April and May where we had nothing going on, no obligation to be somewhere, no second job, nothing and I planned an expo. With. His. Full. Support. WHHHAAAAT?! Yeah, I know!

It was like a dream! Our travel was beyond perfect, our trip down nearly flawless. I took him to a baseball game the first night we were in town (because I'm awesome like that!) and we hit no traffic, none, zip, zero, nada! The morning of the expo I was a mess. He took complete control, got me and my 300 books to Walmart for last minute supplies, to the expo, and inside. He then took off and went to pick up balloons, balloons we couldn't use because they were flammable (WHAT?! Yeah I know) and breakfast.

He brought me a perfect iced coffee, a garlic aoli with bacon, avocado, and egg sandwich, and finished helping me set up. When the doors to the expo opened he gave me a kiss and told me I'd be great just to be myself and talk about what I love.

And that's what I did. I handed out fliers to women who scoffed at my title. I passed out cards to ladies who were to busy to even return my smile. I talked about my book to the few who stopped and then told me things like "My husband's dead," "My husband left me for another woman," and the most heartbreaking "I'm living in a domestic violence shelter." I wasn't even three hours in and I was nearly in tears. Every time I looked back at Rey he smiled at me. He said "You're doing great babe, keep it up." Every time I thought I can't do this anymore his hand was on my back telling me to go take a break, that he had it for a minute.

After the first day I sold six books... yes you read that right, six! I couldn't people anymore, the empath in me was beat down and crushed. He took me to dinner at a quaint little restaurant and we sat outside. It was warm but not hot, it was quiet, peaceful. I nearly sobbed professing how sorry I was for investing such an asinine amount of money into something that was most definitely a bad investment. Then he started "it's not a big deal, what are you talking about, I'm having a great time, what about that woman you met today, you don't know where that will go, you were amazing today, sexy, vibrant, I loved watching you in your element."

All I could do was stare at him eyes wide and mouth agape, and he stared back with unconditional love and understanding. We opted not to go out, I just couldn't.

The next morning I thought several times about not going back. I wasn't sure if I could handle the crushing rejection any more. But he got up, told me I looked amazing, and that today was going to be a good day.

We had a nice breakfast, picked up coffee, and headed back to the show. I went to talk to a few neighbors as Rey got my table put back together and asked the booth next to us to move their banner because it was blocking my booth. I know, right?!

I came back over and once again he kissed me and told me I was going to be great. I stood there as more women poured through the expo and even more women told me no, scoffed at my title, gave my book (and me) dirty looks, and barely glanced at the content. I took deep breaths and when things seemed really hard I looked back at him and he smiled and told me I was doing amazing. His hand on my back at just the right moment urging me to go take a break. At one point I looked at him and he said "next time we do this we should..." My face scrunched up and I said "Next time? I haven't sold anything!!!" He just smiled and said "yeah next time, lets change up this and this and move that."

I sold four books Sunday... just four (4). But I told myself that no matter what, the experience is what I was in it for. And what an experience. Not all of the women were rude. Especially not the total of 10 who bought my book but there were others also who engaged in conversation, signed up for emails, told me I was beautiful, loved the fact that a young woman was promoting healthy marriage.

So while this weekend was a bust financially it's like he said,

it's only money. What can't be bought is the fact that we leveled up. We reached a new place in our relationship, a place we hadn't been yet. Every time I think it can't get any better than this, it does. If I hadn't of spent that money we might not have leveled up this weekend. That's not saying it would have never happened, it's just saying it might not have happened this weekend.

He wasn't always like this you know... or maybe he was and I just didn't realize it... but if you want to know my secrets you have to read my book!

Love and light y'all!

~Jes