Losing faith... Colin, Rape, and other musings.

I cooked dinner tonight, like I do most nights.

I cooked from the garden and the farmer's market. I spent all day out and about watching my children play, buying local, and missing my husband who had to be at drill today.

I've been bothered so much lately about Colin Kapernick, Brock Turner, and the sad state of our political choices. I've wondered if I should write about it... how it would be received, would anyone really read it or would they only take the words at face value or maybe not even read the entire blog.

I've argued with myself about how I've felt about everything and I've come to realize that we are a meme driven society. Our fascination with social media, being able to voice our opinions yet still hide behind a screen in the safety of our own homes, and our lack of compassion have all combined to create a very scary world to be in.

Look at the facts... Regardless of real statistics, regardless of how people might be affected, and regardless of who we may hurt, we make and share info based on our own belief system. Long gone are the days when only the privileged few journalist were able to report and dissiminate information as they saw fit... No we are living in the information super highway times where videos are uploaded in a matter of seconds, blogs and opinion pieces rule supreme, and very few people take the time to fact check anything because information is hitting us at a rate of 1,298 per second (not an actual figure).

I've argued with myself because I've come to find that I don't sit on one side or another on ANY topic. I've argued with myself because I can't see things in black and white, instead it's in about 100 different shades of gray. Nothing is cut and dry to me.

Take for instance Colin Kapernick... I was in the military and my husband (and brothers, and countless friends) proudly serve today. We served for the Freedom of choice. To stand or not to stand... Yet as a teacher I would ask Mr. Kapernick when does all this end? Your jersey has hit number one in sales, young men are looking up to you and refusing to respect the flag, with that they begin to refuse to respect authority, thus making teaching in a classroom even harder. I can't get behind black lives matter because as a movement they only seem to care when white cops kill black people. If black lives matter then why are black people still murdering black people because of gang affiliation or the way someone looks at them wrong... Now don't go lecturing me because I understand... I understand white privilege, I understand there is an unfairness, and I get that things need to change but I also acknowledge how much has changed. I acknowledge we have a long way to go but we are making strides at an incredible pace. What we need is the Colin Kapernicks and the Ice Cubes of the world going into these neighborhoods, helping to clean them up and creating programs that uplift the youth and help the teachers.

Education is key.

I argue with myself because I think Brock Turner is a pig but I don't believe that he deserves to be the poster child for rapists. I don't believe his parents need to be drug through the mud. Do none of you have children that have made a bad decision? I also question why alcohol can be her excuse for passing out while on the way to a strange mans dorm room but why he can't use alcohol as an excuse for his behavior. All of us who've been drunk know that our inhibitions and decision making go way down.... Shouldn't we be educating our young men and women not only about the dangers of alcohol but also respecting our bodies as well as other peoples.

All these people who want to use Brock as their poster child, I ask you, if it was your son, your brother, would you put their picture up? If one in five men are raping women then I ask you which of your five male friends would you plaster all over Facebook? Which of your sons or friends sons would you be ok with as being the picture of rapists everywhere.

The problem isn't Brock Turner or his parents...

The problem is our society and the rape culture we live in. The absolute idea that women don't have the same rights and can be overtaken whenever and it's fueled by porn. Any of y'all who are using Brock as a meme in your newsfeed and still support porn?! You're supporting the rape and abuse of hundreds of thousands of women who are drugged, beaten, and raped then videotaped and sold. This isn't just a black and white issue, this is a huge problem in our society right now. By no means am I standing up for this guy but when a women can't even breast feed in public without being ostracized we have a problem.

I am also saying that we can't become some vigilante society because what happens is we choose the people who get to pay and sometimes our judgment is clouded by what we see on social media. Don't be so overtaken with social media that you lose your empathy. All I keep thinking is what would I do if it was my son who did this? He'd still be my son and I would still love him. I would still stand by him... Showing him my love doesn't mean I agree with what he did, it just means that I birthed him and he is a piece of me.

Education... is key...

And how did we get here... how did we get to the sad state of our political choices where people who make more money than my entire family will see in a lifetime get to make decisions for the entire country?

At this point I have to stop... even writing about this stuff is hurting my soul... I can't handle the hate that is being spewed everywhere. It makes me think our future is so bleak because when we lose our compassion we lose our souls. When murdering cops sniper style because of a movement becomes excusable then we have lost our humanity. When using the crime someone commits as a reason to terrorize their entire family we have lost our empathy. And the more we lose of our compassion, our humanity, and our empathy the more we give in to evil.

It just makes me sad and as I cling to my faith I have to go out to the farmers market and buy local and cook dinner for my family. I have to watch my kids and smile even though I know at a moments notice their innocence could be lost, in a moment one of them could become the meme everyone is sharing like a bad cold. I just have to sit back and plead... even if it's in my own head.

I hope I can help educate the future generations to be kind, to look at every side. I'm not sure if I've conveyed my thoughts to typing completely accurately. I just know that having this curse of being empathetic to everyone is so hard on my soul... So difficult to convey to people who have no idea how to do that.

But I plead with you go out and educate people... stop spreading hate and fear and start spreading love and understanding... it's the only way we ever be able to change the world for the better.